Signs that You Are Not Matured in Marriage.
Maturity goes beyond numbers of age. It is more than how tall you are. It is beyond how big your muscles are. It is more of a thing of the mind.
There are three different types of maturity.
• Emotional Maturity.
Age maturity has to do with the number of years a person has live. Age may not be the most important thing to consider when it comes to marriage. When we talk of maturity, there can be a man of 25 years of age and a boy of 45 years of age. It is not the age, it is your ability to handle challenging things that matter.
Below are signs that you are not matured enough in your marriage and should make you work more on yourself;
(1) You complain over everything.
The fact that a couple will always offend each other will always be there and you should be ready to overlook some things so that the two of you can move on well and achieve your set goals. A man or woman should be ready to overlook some things for the sake of peace. If your spouse didn’t put toothpaste where it is supposed to be, you can just pick it up and put it where it is supposed to be. If footwear is not placed well adjust it. This will encourage peace in your marriage and it is a sign of maturity.
(2) You rate your parents above your spouse.
When you get married, you have gotten another family which should take the first place in your life. Your wife/husband should come first before your parent when the two of them need your assistance. But if you always do for your parent before your wife, you need to change.
(3) You fear your parents and obeys them even if it hurts your relationship.
Husband and wife must be able to stand their ground as a couple and defend what belongs to them. They should set boundaries between them and their parents. They should not be taking orders from their parents and allow their parents to dictate how their union should be. If the husband or the wife allows his/her parents to dictate what happens in their family, then they are not matured. Parents only give orders to children. Matured couples should be able to make their decision. Your parents can advise but not to state what happens in your family.
(4) You seek advice from your parent before doing things for your wife.
If a man still seeks approval from his parent before doing things for his wife, then he should not have married because he is not yet “matured”. He has put his wife at the mercy of his parent. That type of life will make his parents know things he buys for his wife. This can make them not respect his wife. A man should be a man when it comes to what he buys for his wife. It is not the business of your parents to know what you buy for your wife.
(5) Reports any misunderstanding you have with your spouse to your parents.
When you married your spouse, you have separated from your parents, any misunderstanding between the two of you should be handled by you. If you always report your spouse to your parents, you may always have issues because your parents will try to be on your side and they may give you advice that will make you separate from your spouse. When there is a misunderstanding, your parents should be the last person on your mind to report to. Accept your fault and apologize to your spouse if you are at fault. Call your spouse and have a serious but sincere talk on what is making the two of you fight. Tell yourselves what you don’t like and agree to change and move on. But if you allow your parents to insults your spouse, then you are not matured and you should take it upon yourself to improve before it damages your marriage.
(6) You point your finger at your husband or wife and shout at him.
Your husband is your head according to God’s plan. When a woman dishonors her husband, she dishonors her head. Also, when a woman is matured, she will be able to control her emotions and anger. She will never shout at her husband. I know some men can make their wives angry but your anger should not make you pick up a fight with your husband. You must be conscious that the man you are talking to is your husband. When you shout and insults your husband before people, it is a sign that you are not matured to be in marriage.
(7) You beats your wife or husband.
Emotional maturity can make a man consider serious offense as a normal thing go his way. But a man who is not matured emotionally will start beating his wife whenever she wrongs him. He will see beating his wife as a way to teach her how to respect him and do the things he wants her to do. Instead of teaching her what he wants with love.
In summary, grow your love and develop yourself. Marriage is not for boys and girls. It is for mature people only. So, if you fall into any of the above signs of immaturity, then you may need to change in those areas.
How can two people walk together if they don’t agree? Many marriages are broken as a result of misconceptions. Lack of agreement on how to address the challenges that influence each marriage leads to misunderstandings. If the husband and wife do not agree, they will interpret things differently, resulting in sentiments of hurt, insensitivity, rejection, intolerance, and indifference.
Here are 12 Rules That Will Make Your Marriage Better
(1) RULES FOR MEN AND WOMEN
Agree that you can have sex in every form and position you want, but also on what you won’t try. For example, no anal sex, no masturbating when you’re together, no pornography, no inflicting pain, and no making love while she’s on her monthly period, and how would she satisfy him if he’s horny? Each couple is unique. Agree on what the boundaries are.
(2) PHONE REGULATIONS
Decide how you’ll handle the phone. For example, no chatting with others after 11 p.m. because that is private time, no secrecy, no need to walk away when someone calls, and always tell your spouse who has called.
(3) THE RULES OF MONEY
Agree on how money will be used. Are you going to have a joint bank account? What proportion may each of you utilize without having to alert the other? Who is responsible for which bills? Saving, Investing. Without joint approval, no money should be given to in-laws.
(4) RULES FOR RETURNING HOME
What should you do if you’re going to be late returning home? Do you want to make a phone call? When is it too late to return home? Your spouse doesn’t mind if you come home late if it’s agreed upon. Marriage is about you two as partners, not about you as individuals.
(5) RULES OF SOCIETY
You agree to go out of your way to introduce each other to your friends. Determine how close opposite-gender friends can become. Make a decision on which buddies to maintain. Set a limit on how often friends are allowed to visit. Friends should not be allowed inside your home. Boundaries must be established.
(6) RULES FOR INFORMATION
Agree to let each other know where you are, even if it’s just a text message. Agree on the importance of informing each other about your daily schedules. Keep your spouse informed.
(7) TEMPER RULES
Decide what you’ll do if you’re both angry at the same time. Do you make time for yourself? Withdraw for a few moments? Do you take care of the problem quickly? We’re not going to bed angry with one other. Dispute resolution
(8) CHORES RULES
Agree on who is responsible for what is in the house. This will keep you from feeling as if you’re doing too much.
(9) RULES FOR USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA
Agree on the social media dos and don’ts. For example, don’t be Facebook friends with your ex, don’t make provocative comments on other people’s posts, don’t engage in indecent behavior, and don’t discuss personal matters on social media.
(10) WORK REQUIREMENTS
Agree on work boundaries. What to do when your occupations collide, for example, if you can’t bring work home with you? What should you do if your working hours are irregular? When should you take time off or go on vacation?
(11) PRINCIPLES OF PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY
Agree on how to discipline the kids, who does what, and who goes to school for Parents’ Days. Do you take turns? What kind of meals are the kids going to eat?
(12) RULES FOR INDIVIDUAL SPACE
Accept that you will need some alone time from time to time to work, meditate, or simply rest. Agree on how to let your partner know when you need a few minutes alone. If you require more space, your spouse will accommodate you.
In conclusion, agreeing on these key issues brings about order, peace and unity because both of you will know how to navigate and behave. If your marriage is chaotic because of lack of order. It’s not too late to have a conversation leading to the agreement on these issues.