Jealousy In A Relationship
It’s alright to feel jealous, especially if you have reasons to feel that way.
However, too much of anything is bad. While a bit of jealousy can spice up your relationship, a more serious one can cause a series of misunderstandings, fights, and frustrations.
What Does Jealousy Feel Like?
When you feel jealous about your partner, it can really impact your relationship. If you often feel threatened by your partner’s relationships with other people, this is called jealousy.
It’s normal to feel insecure sometimes, but it could be jealousy when insecurity starts to get in the way of your life and how you see yourself.
You might find it hard to even be around other people because of your fear that they will take away what little you have left. Jealousy has many forms, from feeling anxious every time your partner spends time with someone else to obsessively checking their phone or social media accounts. The step for getting rid of any feeling begins by recognizing what you feel and why you feel it.
Jealousy is caused by the fear of losing something very important, whether a partner or even a friendship. Maybe you’ve been betrayed in the past, and this feeling still haunts you.
For one thing, it can make you insecure about your own self-esteem.
Self-esteem is the level of respect and confidence in your abilities, and it is one of the most valuable things in life. Having healthy self-esteem will help you to be confident about yourself no matter what people say or think. On the other hand, low self-esteem can lead to emotions such as jealousy and betrayal because you’re not sure about how worthy you really are. If your low self-esteem leads you to feel that you do not deserve love or affection, you’ll end up feeling jealous when your partner is kind to someone else.
Sometimes, it is cute to see your partner jealous. This could make you feel truly loved and wanted like this person is afraid to lose you. Who does not want to feel this way?
However, too much or constant jealousy is far from being healthy in a relationship. It reveals insecurity on the part of the jealous person. It may seem romantic for a while, but wanting to be together all the time—like your world only revolves around each other—could become toxic in the long run.
Now, how can you determine if your partner is unhealthily jealous? Or let us make this more personal. Evaluating yourself against these obvious signs, do you think your jealousy for your partner is still normal?
(1) You Want To Be With Your Partner 24/7
Yes, it is normal to miss your boyfriend/girlfriend whenever you are not together, especially if you are used to being around each other. However, it is a different thing if you want your partner to yourself alone like you do not want him/her to have a life outside of your relationship. Your love for your partner is selfish if you would not want him/her to explore just because you are afraid of losing the person. True love sets a person free to find himself/herself. Allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to pursue dreams and meet new people. If in the end she/he still stays with you, then you would have proven his/her love for you.
(2) You Always Check On Him/Her Every Minute You Are Not Together.
Calling or messaging your partner all the time whenever you are not together is another sign of unhealthy jealousy. If you are always getting paranoid about what she/he is up to every time she/he is out of your sight, then it means you do not really trust him/her. Indeed, this is very unhealthy because it causes you anxiety. If you are always asking for details about the whereabouts and activities of your partner, the time might come that she/he would get tired of it. In the end, it would be your fault why she/he would choose to walk away.
(3) She/He Is Not Allowed To Go Out With Friends.
If you do not like your partner seeing his/her friends for the fear of him/her enjoying with someone else, then you are crazily jealous.
You would not want to give up your friends just because your boyfriend/girlfriend said so, right? Surely, you would feel bad if you would not be allowed to see your friends anymore, especially when you know there is nothing wrong with your friendship.
(4) You Do Not Want Him/Her To Talk With The Opposite Sex.
Just so you know, your partner would forever be surrounded by people from the opposite sex, unless you keep him/her in a box. You cannot stop him/her from meeting new people, working with them, or being friends with them. It would also be unhealthy for your partner to avoid the opposite sex. If just seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend talking with someone from the opposite sex could already enrage you, then it is time to assess yourself. Do you consider it healthy?
(5) You Monitor His/Her Social Media Activities.
Yes, it is fine if you and your partner share passwords to your social media account for transparency. However, what is not good is if you are secretly monitoring your partner’s social media activities, including whom she/he follows, the posts she/he reacts or comments to, or his/her recent searches. If you are doing this, then let me tell you that paranoia is overcoming you. You should stop doing this because it is filling your mind with doubts, suspicions, and malice. This would not keep your relationship working for long.
(6) You Stalk Everyone Who Reacts Or Comments On Your Partner’s Posts.
Just like in the previous number, this is a sign of paranoia too. If you are stalking every person who reacts or comments on your boyfriend/girlfriend’s post, it means you are convincing yourself that you are being cheated on. It would keep you suspicious of everyone your partner comes in contact with. Yeah, it would be great if you have amazing detective skills that would keep you from being hurt. However, what if your partner is actually faithful to you? Then, you are only wasting your energy on nothing.
(7) You Always Accuse Him/Her Of Cheating.
If you cannot resist the urge of accusing your partner of infidelity, then it shows how jealous you are. You cannot call your relationship healthy if you always doubt the faithfulness of your boyfriend/girlfriend. Mistrust is an indication of a shaky relationship. As they say, love cannot exist where there is no trust. So, if you cannot trust your partner, you have to ask yourself if you still want to stay in your relationship.
(8) She/He Is Not Allowed To Go Somewhere Or Do Something Fun Without You.
Your jealousy is so obvious if you cannot let your partner enjoy without you. This shows your own insecurity—your lack of confidence that you are fun to be with. For this reason, you are afraid that your partner would be so happy somewhere else, apart from you, that she/he would not come back.
This problem is from the inside, and more than ruining your relationship, it could completely destroy your self-esteem. It is best if you resolve this within yourself first before it could manifest in your relationship.
(9) You Always Ask Your Partner’s Whereabouts And Who She/He Is With.
Do you feel uneasy whenever your partner is out of sight? If you often require that she/he updates you of where she/he is and who his/her companions are, then you are a very jealous person. Worse is when you demand that she/he sends you photos of his/her environment and companions. If you are fond of doing this, then you better start changing this habit. This is too much of an indication that you do not trust your partner. It would not be surprising if she/he gets tired of it someday.